You hate the next best person.

People have always been competing, for who has the most, is the most, and can do the most. And although this instinct lives in almost everyone, we give it a name that is sought after in resumes, in teammates, and in relationships - ‘perfectionism’. Perfectionism is the fear of being less than average - or even worse - average. Perfectionism causes a range of problems, from encouraging people to self-isolate, to become self-absorbed, and to separate communities because of overlookable flaws. So why, if this human instinct causes society so many issues, why do we let it stay around?

It’s because perfectionism is attractive, and it is attractive for three primary reasons; it makes people interesting, it creates tension, and it holds promise.

We like to see people with layers; those who are charming often have a duality to themselves. Duality looks like a person, with both a gentle physical appearance and strong voice, or it could be the opposite. We like this because it is interesting. We feel that as soon as we meet someone with this contrast we know them, but then they will do something so out of character that suddenly we are hooked all over again. This is present in perfectionism. Those who act to be perfect often have a contrast; they may seem humble and quiet on the outside, but when they are handed their test papers one would think they should act differently. But just because perfectionism is interesting doesn’t mean it makes someone physically attractive, it isn’t enough - and more likely than not it has the opposite effect.

People hate to have someone better than them. Someone who is both good at everything and not afraid to prove it is historically, your enemy. This is why when perfectionism isn’t interesting, it can create tension. People are torn apart for a lot of reasons, but commonly these reasons are related to insecurity. When society sees someone who fills insecurities, it is triggered as a threat, and people may experience anxiety, fear, or other negative emotions. But in a world of 8 billion people, insecurities are stimulated every single day, and soon it becomes a cycle that turns addictive. This pattern of rejection is validated again from self-comparison, seeing someone ‘worse’ than you makes you feel good about yourself, this exists in every social standing. All tension is known to be good, as it proves a connection between two personalities, this could be why as a species we chase validation from those we see as better than us, even when we may hate them; we are all chasing the next best person. Being associated with someone who is so great makes us feel better about ourselves, as if we have stolen some part of them and made it our own. This leads into the third point, being with someone who is perfect is promising.

Being paired with a genius schoolmate for a project is perfect - you will get a good grade while doing minimal work. Therefore perfectionism is promising. If you are around someone who chases perfection, you likely chase it yourself, and as their achievements pile up you feel as if you are entitled to a stake of it. Marrying a rich socialite, one that rubs hands with the elite and eats off of silver is ideal - they are perfect. You will grow old, rich, and greedily perfect, together. Their perfectionism is guaranteed to benefit you. It can also be seen in a more self-centered frame. If you are perfect you will be ‘perfect’ forever, if you work until your skin splits, until your fingernails bleed, you will have everything and be set for life. Perfectionism is a way of safe keeping, it is an insurance that you will have, a shield when life throws itself at you. Perfectionism manipulates everyday people into thinking they are super-ordinary, it installs false confidence, and shelter is a survival tactic.

We don’t find perfectionism attractive because it is what everyone wants in a partner, but because it is a magnetic fuel for ambition, attention, and feeling. Perfectionism engines can exist in social media, politics, the fashion industry, and competitive sports. It is a weed that has sprouted everywhere, difficult to root out. Perfectionism sells albums, it makes sidewalks full, and moves entire cultures. In a world where we are forcibly so aware of each other, insecurity breathes deeper into our ears, building tension, creating interest, and guaranteeing investment. Perfectionism is about being above others - about winning. But you can’t win, because when we are constantly raising our standards, being perfect is non-existent.

The truth is we aren’t competing to be the best anymore, we are competing to be someone else’s ‘mediocre’. We have to adapt to crave mental stillness, or else we will all be wearing straight-jackets.