Isn’t life just terrible? Every day brings the same mundane routines, the same bad or mediocre mood. There are so many places to be, chores to do, deadlines to meet. There are so many things on our minds, some that replay in our heads to the point of exhaustion. And some that we fear to even think about at all, afraid of how many scars of ours we would have to face, and then mend.

We walk through this life, listen to our own mangled thoughts and ponder the complexities of our lives. We are the main character in the story of our lives. Our loved ones are supporting characters, acquaintances are guest stars, and the strangers are mere extras that go completely unacknowledged. It’s human nature to think this way, because after all, we all live separate lives. No one’s film is the same.

We not only live in the film of our life, we replay it constantly in our head. We brood over our inconveniences. But what happens if we shift just a fraction of our focus onto someone else’s life? What happens then?

Let’s imagine it right now.

You are on your own somewhere. Then, you walk past a stranger. Say, for instance, somebody similar in age, to help the imagination. They are walking on that footpath at that moment, just as you are. They have had the events occur in their day, just as you have. They have lived approximately the same years as you have.

They have a unique backstory; Their own past or continual struggles. They have countless ideas, emotions and experiences that you will never know.

This is sonder.

sonder (noun)
The profound feeling of realizing that everyone, including strangers passing in the street, has a life as complex as one's own, which they are constantly living despite one's personal lack of awareness of it.

The word was invented by the writer John Koenig in his “Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows”.

You can experience sonder seeing strangers at the bus stop, but also in closer relationships. It may be a friend whom you talk to every day, but you never go to the trouble of really knowing them. It may also be a parent whom you have loved your entire life, but you are never truly aware of the life they experienced before you.

We have all had the experience of feeling alone in a space full of people, even among those we love. We yearn for acknowledgement, for someone to come up to us and ask if we are truly alright, and not accept “yeah, I’m great” as an answer.

We need somebody to pull usout of our thoughts and be acknowledged, but we never think about pulling someone else out of their thoughts, acknowledging them - really acknowledging them. Not by just smiling or saying hi to a stranger, but instead listening to their stories and feeling their happiness and success, their loss, grief or hopelessness.

When we relate others’ stories to our own, we empathise with their insecurities and adversities. Before you know it, being kind to others becomes less of an obligatory, performative act, but more like an instinct. The ever-present cloud of anguish and loneliness over our heads begins to clear, revealing more warmth.

We do this through sonder.

We do this by starting to realise that there are, in fact, eight billion main characters in the world. We do this by noticing how all of our collective films merge together just a little.

And when we do this, we notice how life doesn’t seem quite so terrible anymore.

Editor's note: This piece was written during the development of PROJECT ROCKIT's Kindness if Contagious campaign. You can see Kanishka's accompanying video here .